http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/ http://www.eblah.com en http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1168462071/ http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1168462071/#num1
1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
One point to BEER

2.Warm beer tastes awful
One point to VAGINA

3.A really cold beer is satisfying.
One point to BEER

4.If after taking a swig of your favorite beer you find a
hair between your teeth, you may vomit.
One point to VAGINA

5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad,make a scene,
kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your
wife may get mad, kick you
out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had
here, depending on your
point of view and personal circumstances. I'll just
call it a DRAW for the time being.

6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don't want to drive
anywhere.
point to VAGINA

7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may
suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.
One point to VAGINA

8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get
arrested.If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer.
One point to VAGINA

9. You normally don't find old beer.
One point to BEER

10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much
vagina and you'll think you've seen God.
One point to VAGINA

11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties
is fun.
One point to VAGINA

12. In most countries there's a tax on beer.
One point to VAGINA

13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off.
One point to BEER

14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or can.
One point to BEER

15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but eventually it
settles down.
One point to BEER

16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc
One point to BEER

17. You always know how much beer is going to cost.
One point to BEER

18. Beer doesn't have a mother.
One point to BEER

19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you drink it.
One point to BEER

>> >> > > > FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 8

That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner isEER

PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or
discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of
those feelings, let alone express them, an extra point for BEER]]> Wed, 10 Jan 2007 15:47:51 admin http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1168118826/ http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1168118826/#num1 I know u?

From: Trailer Park Gangstas
You may not remember me you son-of-a-bitch, but I sure as hell remember you! My name is Bubba McMasters. I'm a truck driver for J.B. Hunt. 5 months ago I was in a buffet line at a truckstop in Jackson Alabama when you brushed up against me. I contracted leprosy and 2 weeks ago my dick fell off. My attorneys at the powerhouse law firm of 1-800-ask-Kobe want me to sue you for damages, but I'm going to give you a chance to settle out of court. Take some garden sheers and wash them real good with rubbing alcohol and then cut your dick off and throw it in a cooler full of ice and Fed-EX it to me. Overnight! So I can have a transplant.

From: Greg
dude r u outta ur fucken mind? i aint cuttin my dick off

From: Trailer Park Gangstas
This is not a joking matter. I've had 2 transplants. The first one was a black dick and I was perfectly happy with it. My wife Lula Belle couldn't wait to try in out, but it was so heavy the stitches ripped and it fell off. I've had two dicks fall off and it's your fault motherfucker! Now they've replaced it with a Filipino dick and this thing is so damn small I can barely find it to piss out of. Lula Belle is threatening to divorce me.

From: Greg
man u got the wrong fucken guy im not a truck driver and i never been 2 alabama

From: Trailer Park Gangstas
Look I'll have them save this Asian dick for you.

From: Greg
dude im sorry for ur trouble but i aint cuttin my dick off and i dont want no asain dick and i aint no lepor


--------------------

From: Cosmic
Hello, I noticed you sent me a friends request? I am new to mypsace and wanted to know why you wanted to be my friend?

Please tell me more about you.
Thanks,

From: Trailer Park Gangstas
What the hell are you talking about you drug crazed hippie? If you want me to sodomize you, just ask!

From: Cosmic
I don't use drugs. Do you have me confused with someone else maybe?

From: Trailer Park Gangstas
Aha! I knew it! You won't admit to using drugs, but you won't discount wanting your cornhole cultivated! You hippie girls are all alike. You just want some fudge farmer to plow your poopchute! What's is wrong with vaginal sex I ask you? What? What?

-------------

Selma
who are you?

Trailer Park Gangstas
My name is Andy Parker. I'm 14 years old. I have a clubbed foot and I got an ingrown toetail that got infected on that foot. The infection got into my blood stream and now I'm going to die unless I get a kidney, lung and toenail transplant. There's an oganization called "Wishes For Women" I contacted them to lose my virginity before I die, but they said they don't do prostitution, they actually fulfill wishes for women.

So anyway I was wondering if you would have sex with me and take my virginity please?

Selma
i'm sorry ur sick dude, but that's not legal. try to find a girl ur age.

Trailer Park Gangstas
I understand. Do you think I could put the big toe from my good foot in your pussy? I mean just to see what it feels like. It's not like sticking a big toe in your pussy is actually having sex! Is it?

Selma
look dude i said i'm sorry ur sick but you can't stick your big toe in my pussy. i'm 26 years old.

Trailer Park Gangstas
How about my pinky toe?

-----------------

From: Shellbell
tell me who you are

From: Trailer Park Gangstas
My name is Hiram Twats attorney at law. I represent your former sexual partners in a class action lawsuit. I wanted to contact you informally and give you an opportunity to settle before we are forced to take legal action.

Because of the abnormally large size of your vaginal canal, my 132 clients have suffered emotional distress and have questioned their own manhood to the point of considering suicide in some cases.

We'd like to come to an equitable arrangement. If you'd be willing to consent to some type of vaginal reduction surgery of at least 3 centimeters followed by an intense regimen of Kagel exercises and a vinegar douche program, we can avoid court.

Regards,
Hiram Twats P.A.

-------------------

From: cristina
Hey whats up? you requested an add but i have never heard from you. So whats up??


From: Trailer Park Gangstas
Hi Christina,

My name is Mandingo Sanchez. I'm the most famous Asian porn star in all of eastern Indiana. We're currently working on a series called Blazing Bukakke! We need new talent and we thought you might be interested.

All you really have to do is stand there and let 22 guys jerk off on your face. We have an excellent compensation package that includes 12 dollars in signed American Express Traveler's Checks once owned by martial arts expert and former "Walker, Texas Ranger" star Chuck Norris. We also have 2 pages of coupons for Pizza Hut with an expiration date of 3/08. That's right Christina valid for 2 years. I know women who would do this for the coupons alone, much-less the Chuck Norris checks thrown in.

Because the title is "Blazing Bukakke" you'll need to dye your hair red or at the very least put some Jello in it. We're also thinking about using the subtitle, "Hear Them Cumming!" of course you'll need to supply your own plugs if you want to avoid an eardrum full of semen.

We need an answer by Thursday morning at 10am Eastern or we'll have to look elsewhere for talent.

From: cristina
im going to assume this is a joke because first of all, how can u be asian. second of all, i dont know any women who would do that for pizza hut coupons....third, i dont give two shits about chuck norris!

----------------

THE END]]> Sat, 6 Jan 2007 16:27:06 admin http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1167305207/ http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1167305207/#num1
Not everything broken can be fixed

Dane Cook is NOT funny

George Carlin IS Funny

Typing in IM/ Text speak makes you look like a retard

It's possible to operate an automobile without concurrently talking on a cell phone

Text messages are pointless. Why spend 20 minutes typing what you could have said in a 2 minute phone call?

Don't be shocked when stupid people do stupid things.

Liars will still be liars know matter how much trust you place in them or how much you'd like to believe them.
It's their nature. When a liar tells the trust, it's only because they've been caught. That doesn't make them honest.

People don't have an upside. What you see is what you get. Once a cheater, always a cheater. So if you start with rotten apples, don't cry when you pie tastes like shit.

Mike Tyson once said, "Everybody has a plan until they get hit." The same applies with materialism. Nobody is materialistic until you take them shopping. Stop frowning on materialism. Everyone likes nice things. Just keep it in perspective. Don't let those things become more important than people.

The fundamental difference between democrats and republicans is democrats lie to poor people and republicans refuse to acknowledge the existence of poor people. So vote for democrats because you enjoyed being lied to. Yes you do. Do you really want to know if your ass looks fat in those jeans or if her ex-boyfriend's pecker was twice the size of yours? Of course you don't. Besides republicans peek in your bedroom window. I'm an adult. I'll conduct my own sex life without you.

A mistake is an event. It's not a person.

Don't try to compensate in death for what you didn't do while someone was alive.

Sometimes things can be any way in the world you want them to be, except how they used to be.

Get a passport, get on a plane and travel somewhere. Only 23 percent of Americans have passports. We rank around 80th in the world in education because we've become a stagnate society that just sits on our ass eating Big Macs, watching American Idol and chain smoking. See the world.

if you argue with someone you love, argue the point. The object of an argument isn't to win, it's to hear each other out and find a common ground. Otherwise you'll just end up saying things you will regret and never be able to take back.

Watch Boston Legal

Regret is the greatest builder of character. People who say they have no regrets just aren't smart enough to have realize all they've done to regret. When something you've broken that can't be fixed traps itself inside you and stays with you forever, you'll stop saying, "I don't regret anything because it made me who I am today." And you understand that who you are today probably isn't the best person you can be. You'll learn from that regret and carry it with you and try to do better the next time.

Hope circulates from the bottom up. If you make a difference in the life of one person, you've made a difference in the world. Perhaps they move forward and do the same thing.

Selfishness is the worst quality a human can possess. Most other bad qualities stem from some form of selfishness.

People don't always have an agenda. Random acts of kindness do exist. Go out today and perform one.

Smart people win. Be smart.

Find your own path to Heaven.

Question everything and learn.

-------------

Now you have all the basic information you need to take over the world in 2007. So do it, and make me the King of a tropical lesbian colony.

]]> Thu, 28 Dec 2006 06:26:47 jimw http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1165521009/ http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1165521009/#num1
Rob

Just an FYI. This MySpace mail client is locked. I can receive mail, but not send mail at all. LoLo said something about a worm? He's the technical guy who udates this page and you can check out his blogs from his page via top friends here. Me, i just look pretty and write dirty. I'm useless otherwise. I'll post when I'm able to send mail again. Fortunately bulletins haven't been impacted]]> Thu, 7 Dec 2006 14:50:09 admin http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1165520934/ http://www.jokes.willisfamily.org//forum/m-1165520934/#num1
Ricardo Tubbs is urbane and dead smart. He lives with Bronx-born intel analyst Trudy, as they work undercover transporting drug loads into South Florida to identify a group responsible for three murders. Sonny Crockett is charismatic and flirtatious until-while undercover working with the supplier of the South Florida group-he gets romantically entangled with Isabella.

Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Crime/Gangster and Adaptation

Running Time: 135 min.

MPAA Rating: R for strong violence, language and some sexual content.

----

Rob's Review:

As most of you know I refused to see this film in theatres because I've had enough of the bastardization of my pop-culture youth. Furthermore the casting may be the worst goof in film history. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx as Crockett and Tubbs? Those two douche bags aren't masculine enough to play Laverne and Shirley. Matthew McConaughey and Terrence Howard I could have accepted because of the surly and gritty nature of the characters. But we got the cross dresser from "In Living Color" and the Jared Leto humper from "Alexander". Unacceptable. They just don't fit the alpha male model of the original characters.

I didn't buy the movie. My fever isn't that high yet. But my Sister was wandering around Super Wal-Mart as redneck folks do and saw "Miami Vice". She had no clue what is was and bought it for me. Like taking a sick kid ice cream. Unbeknownst to her this was feces flavored ice cream disguised as Rocky Road. I did watch it. All 2 hours and 20 minutes of it. And of that, I feel like 2 hours nineteen minutes and forty-five seconds of my life was wasted. The only redeeming scene in the entire film was during the rescue of Trudy from a trailer park. They shot one of her captors in the head while he was threatening to detonate a bomb. And of course a female character was left to do that. This incarnation of Tubbs and Crockett simply weren't bad enough to pull it off.

Jamie Foxx was a martial arts master, a sniper, a pilot and a jet boat racer. And Colin Farrell did have medical questions/ advice for the trauma surgeon. Let's hope he doesn't turn up on "House". I literally found myself laughing at this movie. This is from Michael Mann. "Heat" was the best cops and robbers film ever made. And this was his star franchise and part of my childhood. Mann has Alzheimer's. It's the only logical explanation. There were moments where as a film maker I was (as usual) in awe of his cinematography and that lasted until the caricatures started speaking. Half of whom you couldn't understand anyway. The little gay redneck Latin guy who made the initial introductions etc. All of the women seemed to have speech impediments. The music was awful and worst of all they had Crockett drinking Mojitos.

Seriously a heterosexual guy drinking Mojitos? I don't give a rat's ass if it is Miami. I lived in Florida for 15 years. Do you think I drink Mojitos? if I were in a bar with a friend and he ordered a Mojito, I would drag him by the ear to the nearest sports bar and make him surrender his testicles. In the first episode of "NYPD Blue" Sipowicz walks into a bar, looks at the bartender and says, "Bourbon. Hurt me twice." that's how men drink. We don't drink Mojitos. before you write me and tell me you're a straight guy and you drink Mojitos, let me save you the trouble. You're a fag. Come to terms with it. Go smoke a penis and move on.

Let's say you were an artist. And you loved Van Gogh. Imagine Van Gogh himself burning Sunflowers and then painting it again with chocolate pudding on construction paper and you have the "Miami Vice" remake.

Rob]]> Thu, 7 Dec 2006 14:48:54 admin