 Search Results - Recent posts as of less than a minute ago |
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Showing 1 - 30 (70 results found)
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You know you're really trailer trash when...
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"
Your Junior / Senior prom had a daycare.
Y...
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Beer Vs. Vagina who will win in this ulitmate faceoff...
1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
One point to BEER
2.Warm beer tastes awful
One point to VAGINA
3.A really cold beer is satisfying.
One point to BEER
4.If after taking a swig of your favorite beer you find a
hair between your teeth, you may vomit.
One point to VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad,make a scene,
kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your
wife may get mad, kick you
out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had
here, depending on your
point of view and personal circumstances. I'll jus...
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From: Greg
I know u?
From: Trailer Park Gangstas
You may not remember me you son-of-a-bitch, but I sure as hell remember you! My name is Bubba McMasters. I'm a truck driver for J.B. Hunt. 5 months ago I was in a buffet line at a truckstop in Jackson Alabama when you brushed up against me. I contracted leprosy and 2 weeks ago my dick fell off. My attorneys at the powerhouse law firm of 1-800-ask-Kobe want me to sue you for damages, but I'm going to give you a chance to settle out of court. Take some garden sheers and wash them real good with rubbing alcohol and then cut your dick off and throw it in a cooler full of ice and Fed-EX it to me. Overnight! So I can have a transplant.
From: Greg
dude r u o...
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THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW IN 2007
Not everything broken can be fixed
Dane Cook is NOT funny
George Carlin IS Funny
Typing in IM/ Text speak makes you look like a retard
It's possible to operate an automobile without concurrently talking on a cell phone
Text messages are pointless. Why spend 20 minutes typing what you could have said in a 2 minute phone call?
Don't be shocked when stupid people do stupid things.
Liars will still be liars know matter how much trust you place in them or how much you'd like to believe them.
It's their nature. When a liar tells the trust, it's only because they've been caught. That doesn't make them honest.
Peop...
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Go fuck a fat guy! Seriously. You'll feel better about yourself. I constantly hear about how men are more superficial than women but I can prove we aren't. In America just about everyone is obese and if we're not, it's because we have some psycho-manufactured bullshit eating disorder that only afflicts Americans because the rest of the world is busy starving. In summary most of us are fat. The difference is that skinny guys will fornicate with fat women. Some men ever prefer women with thick builds. But you never see skinny girls passing out the vagina to fat guys. Why is that? Do something worthwhile this year. Give a fat guy a blow job. Why not eat a doughnut off his dick and get yourself fat in the process? Go to my personal MySpace and ...
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Miami Vice
Ricardo Tubbs is urbane and dead smart. He lives with Bronx-born intel analyst Trudy, as they work undercover transporting drug loads into South Florida to identify a group responsible for three murders. Sonny Crockett is charismatic and flirtatious until-while undercover working with the supplier of the South Florida group-he gets romantically entangled with Isabella.
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Crime/Gangster and Adaptation
Running Time: 135 min.
MPAA Rating: R for strong violence, language and some sexual content.
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Rob's Review:
As most of you know I refused to see this film in theatres because I've had enough of the bastardization of my ...
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postings from myspace from Tralier Park Gangstas. if words offend you don't read.
http://www.myspace.com/trailerparkgangstas |
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Word-Hits
1 (100.00%) |
toon |
Posted by: jimw
Date Posted: November 17, 2006, 4:03am |
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| toon |
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Word-Hits
1 (100.00%) |
toon |
Posted by: jimw
Date Posted: November 17, 2006, 3:59am |
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| toon |
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| from local paper |
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Word-Hits
1 (100.00%) |
pets (reply) |
Posted by: admin
Date Posted: November 14, 2006, 11:03am |
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A Dog's Rules for Christmas
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
a. Don't pee on the tree ...
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Word-Hits
1 (100.00%) |
a good one |
Posted by: admin
Date Posted: November 13, 2006, 1:34pm |
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Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was: "Name seven advantages of "Mothers Milk." Worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, who had partied late the night before, was frustrated to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always at the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang, indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7. It comes in such...
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Word-Hits
1 (100.00%) |
pets |
Posted by: admin
Date Posted: November 3, 2006, 3:33am |
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PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensur...
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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said,
"Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" |
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Memorial Stone
Joe died. His Will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial ston...
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At the Nursing Home
A man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisleway and went to talk with the administrators.
The old man started to tilt slowly toward the left. A Doctor came by and said, "Let me help you." The Doc piled several pillows on the left side of the old man so he would stay upright.
The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright.
The old man started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. About this time, the son returned.
"Well, Dad, isn't this a nice place."...
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At the Nursing Home
A man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisleway and went to talk with the administrators.
The old man started to tilt slowly toward the left. A Doctor came by and said, "Let me help you." The Doc piled several pillows on the left side of the old man so he would stay upright.
The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright.
The old man started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. About this time, the son returned.
"Well, Dad, isn't this a nice place."...
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Top Ten Signs Your Family Might Be Dysfunctional
10. New bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family.
9. Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA.
8. Your mother and your pre-teen sister always fighting over the last beer.
7. In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch.
6. Bikers next door always complaining about the noise.
5. Your new little sister is named after a famous serial killer.
4. Your son informs you he doesn't care to be your cellmate anymore.
3. You have to buy separate Mother's Day cards for each of Mom's personalities.
2. Family discussions usually begin with, "Put the gun d...
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The Emergency Doctor tells you the patient is "well known" to your unit.
The patient:
a. Is a nurse
b. Was a nurse
c. Is related to a nurse
The patient has a suitcase packed.
The patient is off having a cigarette when you arrive.
The patient's referral letter:
a. Is written on a prescription form
b. Contains the words "I'm sorry."
The patient wont talk to you because:
a. They're unconscious
b. They've decided they "don't like you."
Top Ten Worst Prognostic Signs For A Patient In The Emergency Department
The patient has a charcoal grin.
The p...
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Top Ten Worst Hospital Visitors
10. The man who snuck in three cats to visit his asthmatic mother.
9. The visitor who ate all his father's food, then rang the nurse to say that the patient was still hungry and needed another tray.
8. The wife who asked you to take her stroked-out husband to the bathroom whenever SHE really was the one who had to go.
7. The son who emptied his mother's colostomy bag into the wastebasket.
6. The husband who fell asleep in the patient's bed while his wife was in the bathroom.
5. The wife who discontinued her husband's central line herself, because “John likes to sleep on his right side.”
4. The 80 year-old daughter of the 98 year old ...
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Top Ten Most Commonly Used Nursing Phrases
10. "No, really, I don’t mind changing the TV channel for you . . . again."
9. "I’m sorry, it’s not THAT kind of Tylenol."
8. "You won’t feel a thing."
7. "Because your doctor said so."
6. "This won’t hurt a bit."
5. "I swear, if that patient rings the call bell one more time…"
4. "No, I will NOT give you a sponge bath (to patients perfectly able to do for themselves)!"
3. "You’re gonna feel a little stick."
2. "How can I help you?" (no less than a MILLION times a shift!)
1. "Doctor, I’m sor...
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Memorandum
To: All Hospital Employees
From: Administration
Effective immediately, this hospital will no longer provide security. Each Charge Nurse will be issued with a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will patrol the hospital grounds 3 times each shift. In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, the Critical Care Units will now assume security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardiac and security monitors, as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will ne...
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An old couple goes the doctor, just to check their general health. The husband goes in first and the doctor says: "Well, Mr. Jones, you are in a perfect shape considering your age".
And the man says: "Sure I am: I don't drink, I don't smoke and the good Lord takes care of me".
At which point the doctor seems puzzled and says: "What do you mean?".
The old man replies: "For example, last night I had to go to the toilet and God switched on the light for me, so that I wouldn't fall down."
The doctor doesn't understand and asks the man to go out and let his wife in. The woman enters the room and the doctor visits her and says: "You are in a perfect shape, co...
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What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste. |
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How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just have a nursing assistant do it. |
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You Might Be a Nurse if...
when using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows.
your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up.
men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about nurses.
everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have.
you want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors.
you can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.
you can watch the goriest movie and eat ...
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Top 10 reasons to become a nurse
Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
Fashionable shoes & sexy white uniforms.
Needles: It's better to give than to receive.
Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops....eventually.
Expose yourself to rare, exotic, & exciting new diseases.
Interesting aromas.
Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
Celebrate the holidays with all your friends.....at work.
Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
Courteous & infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting |
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The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.
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A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"
At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?"
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nur...
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Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?"
Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.
The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."
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Showing 1 - 30 (70 results found)
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